Nothing. The brand of stroller you push around says nothing whatsoever about you as a parent or a person. But does that stop me from judging people on the street on that basis? Hell no! If anything, it makes it more fun.
If you happen to use one or more of these conveyances to get your kid around, please don't be offended. Seriously, I judge people based on their strollers. What does that say about me? Mostly, that deep down, I am a small, small person.
1. The Bugaboo
Who's driving?: Striving yuppie mom, sculpted to perfection by years of power pilates. Ha! Just kidding. It's the nanny
What's she carrying?: Kate Spade Diaper Bag, natch
What's the kid playing with?: Vulli, the $20 teething giraffe from France. Did I mention it's from France?
What's in the cup?: Grande Starbucks Skinny No Whip Mocha
What I say: Nothing. A reserved, business-like nod is more than sufficient.
What I'm thinking: Please tell me you got that thing second hand. If not, what's wrong with you? Who the hell drops $1,000 on a stroller? That thing better come with . . . I can't think of anything a stroller could come with that would make that price reasonable. Have fun interviewing baby Mandarin tutors and paying more for preschool than I paid for college.
2. The Twin Stroller
Who's driving?: Very tired woman in sweatpants who has aged ten years in the last six months
What's she carrying?: Diaper bag big enough to double as luggage if she ever runs screaming into the night
What's the kid playing with?: The other kid.
What's in the cup?: Black coffee with a double shot.
What I say: Omigod,socute!Howold?Wow,that'sgreat.Goodforyou!!!
What I'm thinking: ::shudder:: No. Dear God. No.
3. The Sling
Who'sdriving slinging?: Crunchy earth mama with a funky haircut who's forgotten more bands than I've ever heard of
What's she carrying?: A tote bag she crocheted herself from yak hair, filled with raw milk yogurt and local kale . . . Organic!!!
What's the kid playing with?: Sustainable bamboo fiber rattle from a womyn's collective in Guatemala . . . Fair Trade!!!
What's in the cup?: Locally roasted, shade grown soy latte . . . Buzzword!!!
What I say: Do you know how long the farmer's market is open?
What I'm thinking: This neighborhood is so god damn full of hipsters I can hardly stand it. But, that looks like some tasty yogurt. I wonder if the farmers market still has yogurt left. And where she gets her hair done. And if she'll make a playlist for me.
4. Britax Travel System
Who's driving?: A smart, successful lady with excellent taste, a fascinating life, and a particularly good looking baby. She probably also smells nice and likes my shoes.
What's she carrying?: A functional, unisex diaper bag that has room for the non-baby related books she's reading because she's totally maintained an identity outside of her role as mother
What's the kid playing with? A classic teddy bear from a family member or close friend. Because she has so many!
What's in the cup? Large green tea with lemon, just a little sweet. Hot beverage of champions.
What I say: Hey, nice looking stroller! Hahahaha. It's funny because I have the same one! I guess we're best friends now, huh? Hahahaha. Yeah, just kidding, Because that would be nuts, right? Hahahaha. Yeah, totally nuts.
What I'm thinking: So . . . are we friends yet?
If you happen to use one or more of these conveyances to get your kid around, please don't be offended. Seriously, I judge people based on their strollers. What does that say about me? Mostly, that deep down, I am a small, small person.
1. The Bugaboo
Who's driving?: Striving yuppie mom, sculpted to perfection by years of power pilates. Ha! Just kidding. It's the nanny
What's she carrying?: Kate Spade Diaper Bag, natch
What's the kid playing with?: Vulli, the $20 teething giraffe from France. Did I mention it's from France?
What's in the cup?: Grande Starbucks Skinny No Whip Mocha
What I say: Nothing. A reserved, business-like nod is more than sufficient.
What I'm thinking: Please tell me you got that thing second hand. If not, what's wrong with you? Who the hell drops $1,000 on a stroller? That thing better come with . . . I can't think of anything a stroller could come with that would make that price reasonable. Have fun interviewing baby Mandarin tutors and paying more for preschool than I paid for college.
2. The Twin Stroller
What's she carrying?: Diaper bag big enough to double as luggage if she ever runs screaming into the night
What's the kid playing with?: The other kid.
What's in the cup?: Black coffee with a double shot.
What I say: Omigod,socute!Howold?Wow,that'sgreat.Goodforyou!!!
What I'm thinking: ::shudder:: No. Dear God. No.
3. The Sling
Who's
What's she carrying?: A tote bag she crocheted herself from yak hair, filled with raw milk yogurt and local kale . . . Organic!!!
What's the kid playing with?: Sustainable bamboo fiber rattle from a womyn's collective in Guatemala . . . Fair Trade!!!
What's in the cup?: Locally roasted, shade grown soy latte . . . Buzzword!!!
What I say: Do you know how long the farmer's market is open?
What I'm thinking: This neighborhood is so god damn full of hipsters I can hardly stand it. But, that looks like some tasty yogurt. I wonder if the farmers market still has yogurt left. And where she gets her hair done. And if she'll make a playlist for me.
4. Britax Travel System
Who's driving?: A smart, successful lady with excellent taste, a fascinating life, and a particularly good looking baby. She probably also smells nice and likes my shoes.
What's she carrying?: A functional, unisex diaper bag that has room for the non-baby related books she's reading because she's totally maintained an identity outside of her role as mother
What's the kid playing with? A classic teddy bear from a family member or close friend. Because she has so many!
What's in the cup? Large green tea with lemon, just a little sweet. Hot beverage of champions.
What I say: Hey, nice looking stroller! Hahahaha. It's funny because I have the same one! I guess we're best friends now, huh? Hahahaha. Yeah, just kidding, Because that would be nuts, right? Hahahaha. Yeah, totally nuts.
What I'm thinking: So . . . are we friends yet?
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